At present, it is a lovely night out. One with a perfect night-sky above me to gaze up at in wonder. The ideal way to end this very memorable day of remembrance for me. It is always nostalgic for anyone to reflect on their 20's - or dare to look some 20 years into the past recalling their youth. But I do feel that Artists (and Musicians) seem the type to see such things as their career path and their personal life in trajectory-like stages and phases. Ones that eventually (if you are lucky to live long enough) become cycles you can see in your body of work. But your friendships and relationships can also reflect the traces of a pattern, or cycle.
January begins a New Year for some, and ends the old one. In many ways it is seen as a new beginning or "A month named in the honour of Janus" in the early Roman calendar. From the site: "In the mythology of ancient Rome, Janus was the god of new beginnings. He was associated with doors and gates, and the first steps of a journey.Janus is also a god with two faces, which allowed him to see into both the past and future, so he is a deity often associated with prophecy."
Now, I don't know so much about Gods or prophecy per se, but some days you can wake up feeling like one trying to figure out wht to do with your own destiny. And my day was one filled with much reflection into the past, with a focus on my future ahead as well. I have comfort and a newfound faith in a sense, that part of my life's path is finally leading to where it should. And that some things I have suffered or endured, either alone or with others within my close circle, have not been done so in vain. One can never truly know about the future for sure, or about anything with an absolute certainty. But I have faith and a good feeling of better moments to come.
One thing I am sure of? Is that all throughout these years that some people and places, or single events never leave your heart or mind. And they become more important to us as we get older. Especially when they are intertwined with our present. I mean this in terms of how they effect a life's work and also regarding the ways in which they shape one's personal life. All the decisions we make shape us, and each moment allows the hand of fate to serve us any number of choices to decide upon. Some moments though are such a part of your soul, that they become these immeasurable landmark occasions that are remembered or celebrated throughout a life each time they cycle their way back through. I welcome such occurrences and celebrate their coming and going. Bittersweet or blissful, they are the pure little slices of time that as they age, become our history, our story, and eventually epiphanies.
I am remembering NYC tonight..passing through Times Square with all it's desperate blinking lights and my head in the clouds. And on the car ride back home to N.J., looking out the passenger window and smiling. Thinking about the day's events as the city skyscrapers turned back to bridges and toll booths. All the grey buildings eventually faded and gave yielding way to the green tips of the trees blurring along the parkway as I got closer to home. I was looking up at the stars in the Winter sky dash past at 65 MPH through the moon-roof of Fred's Subaru. Talking about our meeting and experiencing the wonderful feeling of being impressed, inspired and understood simultaneously. I recall how we locked eyes and how easily we danced through our conversation afterward. What a day that was. Were it not for you - and that place in time some 20 years ago today- I would not be who I am now. Both as an Artist and as a woman, I was just beginning my path back then. Yet after all this time I still am grateful to have met you and to have experienced that day. So here's to my treasured friend: (who I know reads this little blog from time to time)
"Thank you for sharing your work with me and for crossing my path. Thank you for still paying attention to the path I am on, and for inspiring and encouraging me to stay on it. And also, for always being one of my oldest and dearest friends. Know that even during the times we were apart and busy honing our own skills, or living our own separate lives that you have been there with me...giving me hope for my own visions..and helping to light my way. Your love, respect, and friendship means the world to me."
There are some feelings you cannot put into mere words, unless that is, they are sounded out as lyrics instead. And a young P.J. Harvey (circa 1998) is going to have to deliver this feeling best for me tonight.
The Sky Lit Up
I'm walking in the city tonight
I'm walking in the city at dark
Remembering, remember light
Thinking of nothing, and the shooting stars
And this world tonight is mine
A world to be remembered in
Think on a faded photograph
My hair longer than its ever been
and then,the sky lit up
The sky, my friend
The sky lit up
And I'm lighter than I've ever been
I saw the trees crossing the moon
I saw the stars in the Heaven above
Shine on my own beautiful prayer
Shining on my own beautiful love
The sky lit up
The sky, my friend
The sky lit up
And I'm lighter than I"ve ever been
And I'm dancing with him
In his city and in this town
I don't care what he's thinking of
Just take the car, just take my hand
The sky lit up (4x)