The cycle of things.

“It is told that Buddha, going out to look on life, was greatly daunted by death. ‘They all eat one another!’ he cried, and called it evil. This process I examined, changed with the verb, said, ‘They all feed one another,’ and called it good. Death? Why this fuss about death? Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death. The first form of life would be here yet, miles deep by this time, and nothing else; a static world. If birth is allowed, without death, the resulting mass would leave death as a blessed alternative. Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil. ”

– from page 40 of The Living of Charlotte Perkins Gilman, the posthumously published 1935 autobiography of Charlotte Perkins Gilman, author and lecturer. She was a novelist and lecturer for social reform, although I believe she was often so heavily misrepresented, that her accomplishments as a woman writer of her day are now considered to be that of a utopian feminists'. This indeed, is a label that should now serve to only pigeon-hole her forever as an early feminist for future generations to come, instead of recalling her as a great novelist of her era.


I was doing a lot of thinking about patterns and cycles today after talking with a girlfriend of mine this morning. We were kind of contemplating: How the hell did we end up here, holding the shitty end of the stick? After looking back and basically seeing that we have each in our own ways been strong and steadfast in trying to help, encourage or heal others we meet along our path in life, it does seem rather unfair. "Who can you believe and why keep giving? Good question. We are both in many ways gifted and are now feeling drained, or I suppose tired after dispensing so freely with the gifts all this time. Perhaps on the verge of jaded. Interestingly enough, about a week prior I had been having similar thoughts myself when examining my own station in life at the present moment. Ironically, we had both come to ask the same (perhaps unanswerable) question in this time of our faltering strength - "What did I do wrong?" My friend had in recent months comforted me greatly at a time when I found myself saying "My horns are hanging heavy on my shoulders." and I really wished I could offer my fellow ram more comfort in return.

So I felt a bit useless today in offering up that the only thing I had come to realize when feeling this way myself recently, was that this is merely some sort of test in life for me. (and now maybe for her too.) The sadness is almost a period of mourning. And urged her not to resort to the easy path of complacency for ourselves, or even fall to jaded bitterness and mistrust toward others. A renewing cycle is about to begin. And a change is on the horizon. Recognizing the signs and symbols along the way without ignoring them, and staying good or remaining strong is required. And having a great deal of faith in ourselves would indeed allow us to have restored faith in others too. This is merely part of the preparation. And that whatever our place in the universe at the present, that soon enough something better is surely manifesting itself for us both. As much I can be wary of people and remaining trusting, I said that I'm hopeful and welcoming of change enough to pass such a test, because I am not afraid..and I'll keep on being a strong person for myself and others. Maybe it's just the surroundings that need changing, but somethings gotta die off first. It shouldn't be our good nature that has to succumb.

During my contemplation, I had come across the Charlotte Perkins Gilman excerpt, copied down in an old sketchbook of mine. I found it helpful at the time.

This excerpt so perfectly illustrates man's fears. Not only a fear of death in the sense of the physical, but also the fear of change - or death of the old ways in which we have or had been living. When unfulfilled we want happiness but fear the change necessary to get there. I've oft time felt that for one reason or another and either by my own hand, some other greedy individual's, or else the hand of fate itself, that my cycles have been abruptly interrupted throughout my lifetime. And I wonder now why I was so disappointed that nothing good was born of that. Anytime I have resisted a change for the sake of someone else's feelings or wishes, I have always regretted it later and had to play catch up. My Mother always says: "You cannot skip any one cycle of your life - or you will be forced to repeat it." and she's right as rain.

There is no beginning of a cycle without the ending of another, and if avoided, maybe because of our own fear of an ending to that routine we've become so accustomed to, then the cycle is resisted. And thus, we preserve nothing. All is left to stagnate and everything else that is left to remain by unnatural means, is merely preserved existence. It no longer naturally flows or exists and lives but is only suspended in a constant state. One we might still wander through - none for the better, or worse without first facing our fears, and accepting/allowing change to occur. If we don't, then that's not enlightened living, or happiness even. That's just existing.

If you really want to live fully, you just need to be strong, accept change and keep going with the flow of the cycles until there is a harmonious rhythm you can follow. Like the progression of song. Then the next cycling change will just seem natural.

K~

Image: Enich Torres. Cover art for HM - Vol.7 - No. 6 September 1983 issue

A quick one..

Some impromptu fun shot in Hillcrest recently with my lovely friend (and fine Performance Artist) Helaine.
Busy working today but wanted to share,

K~

2001 my view of the day in C.A.

Amid the utterly indescribable feelings, there was such a homesick sense of detachment that I was feeling in CA on 9/11. Not to mention the deafening silence and weighted frustration of not being able to reach my family and some of friends in NJ, NY, and PA. Fortunately, I had this view which helped to keep me sane since I, like so many really couldn't do much else but wait it out. The strange lack of sound in the sky was so eerie. The only exceptions were the sounds of desert wildlife in the distant canyon and a military jet that periodically 'patrolled' the coast. This fighter jet would soar past the canyon and the sound waves would crash off and tumble into layers of broken echoes. I had counted the cycle of three times every hour for this until finally it just became white noise. I just kept thinking that I should be home, it was my nature to have felt a greater connection to it than a non-East Coaster, yet alone the daughter of a New Yorker. I thought of the skyline, it's sudden change and my father always pointing it out to me whenever we entered the city from N.J. How I'd never see it the same way ever again.No one would. I began imagining some of the trips I'd never taken back when I had the chance. I thought of all those poor souls who literally never knew what hit them.

All-in-all, I am pretty much lamenting over nothing of my own personal loss here, just the connection to home itself, and how I was so disconnected and far away. I had soon after been able to get through on the phone lines, and within a few days I had learned that all my people were okay. I am so much luckier than so many others were that day. Really made me count my blessings. It was one of those defining (ex: Where were you when Kennedy got shot?) kind of days for the US. And being too young to have known that day in history, I knew this would be my Generations designated day.

There was the utter shock and the futility of the "why?" Recalling back to when my Aunt worked there in the first WTC attempt in 1993. I honestly couldn't believe something like that could happen again. And then, there was the anger..oh yeah, don't get me started on that. I kept thinking: "Such a tragic and utterly senseless event!" and yet it was so clearly foreboding at the same time that it seemed suspiciously purposeful and so totally evil. Look at us now, counting all the questions that still remain, and struggling with all the privacy rights we have lost. All as a result of the Patriot Act being drawn up all hari-kari-quick for our 'protection.' How about the state of our current US economy, huh?







This one of the purple morning glory was shot just a month earlier in 2001, but I wanted to include it's bright and hopeful little face anyway. I am so thankful that I at least had some of the plants I'd grown earlier in the year which were from the heirloom seeds of my parents backyard garden. It was a little piece of the East to keep me comforted.



Le Sigh,

K~

Upcoming ART SHOW

Junc Boutique & Gallery group show "7 Deadly Sins". Opening night will be Sat., Oct 3rd, 6-10pm, during the Fall South Park Walk-about. Hosted and arranged by Artist/ curator Jasmine Worth

The theme is: The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices or Cardinal Sins, and is a classification of the most objectionable vices. One which has been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning (immoral) fallen man's tendency to sin. It consists of "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride."
(..more info to come in future posts.)

I will have 2 if not 3 original pieces in the show. Prints are a possibility, but it depends on if the house mark up is too high to produce a profit from print sales. Other Artists participating in the exhibtion TBA. I do know the mighty Kim "Riot" Schwenk is on the bill, as she gave me the heads up on this show back in the Summer. (Thanks Kim.) Please check her work out as well at the show. Hope everyone can make it out for a fun night of visual sin under the palms.

You know what they say, be there or be be *antediluvian,

K~


( * - "Antediluvian" is sometimes used figuratively to refer to anything of great age and/or outmoded; H. P. Lovecraft was particularly fond of the term, using it frequently in his horror stories.)

Inspiration from the Peej..

I am always enchanted by the magic of PJ Harvey, and have been increasingly impressed with her body of work over time. I have been listening to her since about 1992 or 93, and because I do play so much of her music in the background while I work, it's only natural I may post quite a bit about her in my art blog. I just find her so inspiring. So much so, that more than once she's crossed into my pieces. I did a series of portrait studies on her in 2005 which I was rather pleased with. My favourites were those I'd completed from her self-proclaimed "Joan Crawford on Acid" era. Such an insane visual stage persona going on there! One which she adopted for the theatrics of the 1995/96 tours. I actually couldn't bear to part with the piece shown here in this photo, and nor will I until I am offcially "over-it" which hasn't happened just yet.


I have always appreciated the haunting quality and dramatic power of this song ("Shame"). But when going beyond the vocal track on CD and viewing it live, it takes on a new dimension. I've seen this performed on tour live, and viewed many clips of it, but I find I am entranced by this UK tele show performance in particular. You can almost see the song in her eyes. (well what you can see of them through her veil of fringed bangs, anyway.) Her ability to touch base on such a painful and common human topic with such a sense of forlorn grace and detachment simply astounds me. Oh, and to get past the raw emotion of a piece and have the control and execution needed to sing well on stage is a feat in itself which I can attest to. But to do so in such a manner that is still so emotive and passionate! It shows not only her prowess as a singer, but compliments the great storytelling aspect of her writing and music so flawlessly. She starts off so direct. Expressing the desire of her character in the story. Haunted, raw, and torn but still cool and aloof..it's all a weensy bit reminiscent of the way Nico often delivered a piece, expressing a tender subject in such a memorable way without the sappiness-factor seeping in. (And I love Nico, so that's some pretty high praise.) However with PJ, admittedly there's more movement and action for the live delivery of a song.

"We were as green as grass"..how splendidly illustrated to begin her introduction of the character in the context of the song's overall story. Now that's some simple but effective word-smithing action indeed. And then, about a minute and a half in, after telling of the impact of this attempted love, the passionate delivery picks up and the parcel of regret really starts to open. Unveiling itself to the listener as she recalls her attempts, protests and failures of the whole sordid affair. Proclaiming "I'd jump for you into the fire..I'd jump for you into the flame.." uh, wow. Who doesn't want mutual love and devotion of that instense caliber? (Then again, is there any other kind of devotion permissible in my book?) The entire progression of the song is now approaching it's ending, as she does the bigger/better person in a situation gone afoul, she takes the blame. And after admonishing the other party, still goes forward with her life in a very proper English moral-to-the-story type of ending.




Excellent composition with excellent delivery. But for me, it's the hand gesture at the end that cinches it. Admittedly, she does clap to keep her time/beat and place throughout the song, but here It seems to complete the arc of the entire story so well. It's as if she's burned but still salvageable - and has learned her lessons well. And now, smarter and all the wiser for it, she wipes her hands clean of the whole ordeal and moves on. Always amazed by the honesty in her art, and the direct yet sublime delivery of her performances when they attain this level of polish.

I cite her as a comfort, inspiration, motivator, and muse quite often, and this is something that should always be celebrated and given thanks for in life. Whether it's written from her own true or personal experience or not? Who can say? (we'll never know with the ever-coy and mysterious PJ) It's just when (and/or if in this case) another human dispenses of their experiences or gifts so honestly and selflessly, and then makes the conscious effort to share them with the world via their Art? It truly moves mountains in me. In my opinion, it almost raises them to a higher level of consciousness among mere mortals for being brave and courageous enough to bear their soul.

Cheers to the Peej and enjoy.

K~

Lions, Tigers and Bears..

After a few days of introspection, and some contemplation under last night's lovely full moon I snapped this shot. I'd decided that spending part of Friday evening and keeping lunch plans for today with some of my favourite San Diego people was in order. Just to stop and smell the roses a bit, and enjoy the company of those closest to me in CA really helped re-charge my batteries. I've realized - eeek - on this Labor Day weekend anniversary of my 9th year here, that of the friends I have made while in CA, despite being of all varied ages, each have indeed proven to be the most important relationships I've made since moving from N.J.
I have made wise choices and am glad to have kept these people close at hand.

After Rose soda and La Noia at Bassam's with Helaine last night, it's lunch at Brian's diner with Ted and his lovely girlfriend Shadow today, and later on I'll catch up with my pal Randali in the evening for coffee and a stroll. Some friends that have moved out of State (my dear Katharine, now in the Mountains of TN) and Krista (TX) had a phone call "connection" thing going on with me today too. These two have actually witnessed me covered in mud, pounding the ground and screaming "There is NO GOD!!" in the middle of my Garden in Del Mar once. ( landscrapers defiled it with a blocked irrigation system - one that Kit and I accidentally punctured when removing a hibiscus bush to transport.) Imagine this screaming, amid geysers of mud/flower soup that had erupted everywhere and that's the scene pretty much. It takes real friends to stand beside you during such moments of madness, laugh with you, and make you see you are still loved despite the stormy weather.



I'll be getting back to the artwork on Sunday when my head is a bit more clear. I have had some great sparks and ideas sketched out lately for projects, but the execution of them has been the REAL difficult tiger to tame. I know it's good to walk away sometimes, but I always have a guilt complex with it if I do. It's seems as if should you neglect your art for just one day, it can be such a bitch on the back-swing.T hat's when the creative process may neglect (or evade) you entirely for two or more days. Which means you have to take more time to build up the momentum again. Or it might mean, once you do get back to the table that you will just run crashing out of the gate like a boomerang on return momentum. Hard to say.

Speaking of such things as boomerangs, here comes that damned Mercury retrograde AGAIN. Which explains why I have been so anxious, impatient and pushy the last week with myself and others. Well, at least I am aware of it this time around in 2009, and I'm one ready Gemini/Ram. The 18th could be a rough, but necessary point so I am trying to prepare for that. And by the 29th this should all be headed back to the course of the intended path for me, or at least I'll know I'm on my way. It is in Libra this time around, and also in Virgo. While I do have a Libra/Dragon in the household too, I know it will all still work out just the way it is supposed to. "

"So the stars favour this turn, as indeed do the planets."

Damn..stars igniting indeed. I wasn't joking.


Anyway, I was recalling also this weekend, the very last things I did before I took my cross-country trek out here. One of them was getting a farewell Philly cheese steak at Pat's on the way to the interstate, and another was taking a trip to Inferno for some new earrings and then to Garland of Letters Bookstore on South Street in Philadelphia. This visit was a little bit before my departure day on August 22nd, 2000 and I went to stock up on supplies. Garland of Letters is known for having an awesome selection of books but as well, they always had a varied array of jewelry, incense, oils, and candles too. Believe it or not, I bought so much that day, because I knew if I did and I squirreled them away just-so, they would last.

This has been my favourite bookstore haunt since the early 90's.I cannot tell you how many hours I spent there feeding my brain and my soul. It was a spiritual discovery point for me with an address attached in many ways. I always made it a point to admire the handsome bronze lion at the entrance, give him a pat on his head and stroke his mane. I found a lovely pic of him online the other day, all dressed up to celebrate the onset of Spring. (see below) They always decorate him accordingly throughout the year and it's seasons. I recall when I left, (despite being the public germ freak I am) I kissed the top of his head for luck before my journey out West.



The picture prompted me to dig up last of my stash from the closet and enjoy. Even when I was little, lions always have always been symbolic of safety and strength to me, and a feeling of protection. Maybe it's "A Lion Witch, Wardrobe" related thing, or maybe it's because since I used to carry a stuffed one around as a tyke. I even held a real lion cub when I was eleven and I never forgot the grand memory of that. I can still smile like a child, just to think about it now. Sometimes quite by chance, you find comfort or re-enforcement exactly where, and when you need it most.



There in the box amid all the remaining candles and oils, were an old earthen-ware dragon oil lamp, a bag of incense and other oddly placed goodies: like a box of Cape May diamonds (unpolished), along with the receipt for that shopping trip. And on it I had hastily penned a note to the store's manager in black ink, over the purple printed text: "Faith - please send the following.." I did this per her instructions, so I could just photocopy whatever was purchased that day and send it off to to her attention as needed for my future orders to go out to CA. ( In 2000, they did not have an online store service.) And in the bottom of box also was an AIRS brochure from 1994, with gorgeous product illustrations by ArtistAmber Faith.



Lastly, was this pic of me from October 2000, which was my first Fall out here. So funny, some of my West coast family had never met me before, or else had only known me as a small child. So the first tatse of this meeting, or re-union with me outside of photos was at a Halloween dress-up party. Talk about bizzarre. My Aunt is very a loving old NY gal, and she was very welcoming but I didn't feel terribly 'related' to all the rest of them. My one cousin Stewart said to me: "Hey, this is pretty much normal dress for you isn't it, huh?" - and I cracked up. Hey, he got it, and at least he was kosher about it.


Goodness, where does the time go? No matter, the future is bright and the present is most important for me to focus on currently.

K~

Image for new business cards and web page in progress.

Ok, it was about time to long overdue for an update of the image on my cards. So about a little over 2 and a half weeks ago I took a few self-portrait photos for reference. I usually frown on using exact photo refs for most of my illustrations, but since it is an image of me, on a card designed for me, and shot by me in an attempt to represent my own work, it seems permissible. Or at least I am reasoning it to be excusable enough to allow. Sure, like the new blog avatar I could have gone the partial photoshop filter-route, but I said: "Bah! - Nuts to that." Although I am sure someone I hand my card to in this day and age, will automatically think it is done like that anyway. Le sigh, perhaps we are becoming assimilated in some way and we are pre-borg status. I'm sure a portion of the planet went into shock when gmail was down the better part of the day.No access to email or blogging. Gee, well I figured I was going to be O.K. since I lived through the 70's, 80's and part of the 90's without it just fine.

Anyway, I must admit that the revamp was held back mostly as I was under the influence of my own sense of swoon. After getting a fine compliment from the great Bernie Wrightston at CCI/SDCC (in July 2008) on my Bats n' Blue card, I held back from the annual update design that should have been due out by last Summer. Change is good. Time to get over it now.


First, I made a photographic transfer via a light box sketch and transferred it on to ribbed Canson pastel paper in graphite. Then washed it out with titanium white acrylic paint. Second shot shows where later I used India ink and a new sumie-e brush I got in San Francisco over it all. There's a handful of mixed media goodies that went over the wash. (Sakura ink pen. Sharpie, coloured pencils, graphite, and aqua-monolith colour pigment sticks.)

For this time around I'm considering neutral shades with some spots of colour, over the former bold blue of the old card but nothings finalized yet. Still playing around with colour choices. (there's a sepia toned one on pastel paper floating around here somplace as well.) The urge to use color is always open to debate with me. Often it's mood. I'd say it's mostly a yippie-skippie one due to the new toys I bought last week. These are the CRETACOLOR Aqua MONOLITH pigment color and sticks and I like them quite a bit. They are the ones shown in the black pouch in the picture, and 2 white ones can be seen on the table.




Text from the set:Derived from the Greek “monos” (sole) and “chroma” (color). Meaning painting and drawing with just one color in different shades. The best known artworks of the modern monochrome trend are the ones of Yves Klein (1928 – 1962). That artist called himself “Yves le Monochrome”.

I would say check them out, the price is about $2.50-3.00 per or you can buy sets for a better deal under $20.00
Pros- excellent pigment concentration and smooth flow for shading. Nice range of colour choices. Opaque coverage is possible if needed.
Cons- Round shape means they 'roll-away' and these break like fragile chalk. The dust/residue created shading large areas builds up quick. Thus, it needs to be blown off the page quite frequently.Shapening is needed frequently. (mildly irritating- but plausible.)

I have a few of these self-portraits that I did for my cards, but this one seems best suited so far.Go figure, it was the first out of the gate. Funny how that happens, like instinct sometimes. Also, I was admittedly distracted most of this past weekend. No A/C and the 3 day heat wave in San Diego killed my energy level a bit. Today the temperature let-up a bit, and I made good progress with a few studies.

K~