Amid the utterly indescribable feelings, there was such a homesick sense of detachment that I was feeling in CA on 9/11. Not to mention the deafening silence and weighted frustration of not being able to reach my family and some of friends in NJ, NY, and PA. Fortunately, I had this view which helped to keep me sane since I, like so many really couldn't do much else but wait it out. The strange lack of sound in the sky was so eerie. The only exceptions were the sounds of desert wildlife in the distant canyon and a military jet that periodically 'patrolled' the coast. This fighter jet would soar past the canyon and the sound waves would crash off and tumble into layers of broken echoes. I had counted the cycle of three times every hour for this until finally it just became white noise. I just kept thinking that I should be home, it was my nature to have felt a greater connection to it than a non-East Coaster, yet alone the daughter of a New Yorker. I thought of the skyline, it's sudden change and my father always pointing it out to me whenever we entered the city from N.J. How I'd never see it the same way ever again.No one would. I began imagining some of the trips I'd never taken back when I had the chance. I thought of all those poor souls who literally never knew what hit them.
All-in-all, I am pretty much lamenting over nothing of my own personal loss here, just the connection to home itself, and how I was so disconnected and far away. I had soon after been able to get through on the phone lines, and within a few days I had learned that all my people were okay. I am so much luckier than so many others were that day. Really made me count my blessings. It was one of those defining (ex: Where were you when Kennedy got shot?) kind of days for the US. And being too young to have known that day in history, I knew this would be my Generations designated day.
There was the utter shock and the futility of the "why?" Recalling back to when my Aunt worked there in the first WTC attempt in 1993. I honestly couldn't believe something like that could happen again. And then, there was the anger..oh yeah, don't get me started on that. I kept thinking: "Such a tragic and utterly senseless event!" and yet it was so clearly foreboding at the same time that it seemed suspiciously purposeful and so totally evil. Look at us now, counting all the questions that still remain, and struggling with all the privacy rights we have lost. All as a result of the Patriot Act being drawn up all hari-kari-quick for our 'protection.' How about the state of our current US economy, huh?
This one of the purple morning glory was shot just a month earlier in 2001, but I wanted to include it's bright and hopeful little face anyway. I am so thankful that I at least had some of the plants I'd grown earlier in the year which were from the heirloom seeds of my parents backyard garden. It was a little piece of the East to keep me comforted.
Le Sigh,
K~
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