"Sometimes it just turns out that way.."
Well I have obviously been pretty absent from my blog, (sheesh, looks like no entries since Halloween!) which would indicate I've been quite busy in the real world. And indeed I have. But I just thought I'd show my face here, literally, and drop a few lines of text.
It's really strange, the things that you think of at 4 o'clock in the morning. I need a vacation - or really to be more specific - a change of scenery since I love my work and that isn't what I need the break from. I recently scrapped my original plan for a trip to the East coast in December, and am hoping to reschedule it for the Spring.
I think it will be good for my soul to return to NJ for just a short time. Kinda recharge my batteries with family and get myself back into a basic rhythm. I've been saying for years, this (SD) place is not 'home' to me, and I'm a person that fully depends on being able to reaffirm my roots whenever I am feeling this displaced.I've obviously been homesick so long now, it's become heartsick. I miss home, friends, and my family so much. I made a promise to myself long ago, that I wouldn't waste time being unhappy. But it's just hard to stay on that pleasant path while I'm living in this noisy and negative area. And even when there is a physical lull in the general noise levels outside, there are times within my house right now where there is still all this quiet tension, just the creaking of a floorboard can set me off anymore. It's starting to effect my creativity and that is NEVER a good thing. It's probably elevating my melancholy over a recent situation and also preventing me from working on things effectively and moving forward with the positive plans I've been formulating for the benefit of not only myself but my immediate important people. (Moving forward once I make a plan is something I know I can always count on myself to do when need be.) So, in the grounding department alone, I believe this NE trip will be a good thing to keep me focused. It's tentative, and it will mostly depend on checking the budget and seeing how much extra cash I can raise for it. However, even with that in the works, the question is can I make it till that long ? A pre-pre vacation would be dreamily nice before the NE trip. Because I'm not so sure I can hold out until the Spring thaw for that to happen.
If you asked me today, I'd say without hesitation that I'm not about to sit home for another week after dealing with my absolutely maddening neighbors this past weekend. (yes, the rhinoceros sex ones) Saturday, November 14th going into Sunday's wee hours during a violent and drunken 1 AM drama fest over poon, they decided to 're-decorate' the neighborhood by crashing down my adjoining fence in a domestic brawl which ended with two huge dudes rolling around and trying to kill each other in my driveway. The ghetto bird flew overhead, the cops came, people were hand-cuffed and any with outstanding warrants were arrested. Rinse, repeat. It's really a much longer story than all that, but that's the gist. And the pics of the remaining damages (taken after clean up) should also help to illustrate things.
Yeah, I've totally gotta move and it's clear I am paying way too much to live here.I'm thinking of heading someplace else soon just to have some fun, kick back, and contemplate with a clear head just where I am going to move permanently.The world is pretty much my oyster the way I see it, and I'm hoping for one with a pearl inside. I'd like to make that happen and then take my NE trip later in the new year. Clearly, in a dual effort to raise a little cash and also lighten the burdening load of possessions for relocation ease, I'll be selling and posting some items online this month. I've already made arrangements for some of the bigger furniture items to go to CA friends.
Anyway, this whole 'move-thing' has been something that's been hovering on my mind for some time now. (LA?) And I don't really know why I was contemplating taking action on it, or making my mind up about it at 4am, but that's how it ended up happening. Bringing me right up to speed at 7:45 AM Monday Morning, while a jack-hammer pervades my ears, and the other neighbor's family dog works out his separation anxiety issues with some serious howling. Yeah, it's high time to move. Load up the truck and head to Beverleee..as the song goes..eesh. Scary to think but that may actually be quieter and cheaper than San Diego.
I know despite this possibilty, and the current state of things, in the end, that it's more about me just doing what's best.And by this, I mean not only visiting home but following through with something I have wanted to do for myself for some time now. Get home.Sometimes selfish is a good first step. This includes me finally appeasing this yearning for a reconnection with home, something I had longed for even when things were fine in this self-proclaimed palm tree paradise.
Onward and upward,